The Green Bat
by Aiellord
Summary: Who is Batman, who is Ren, where will the harem strike next?
1. chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY, Batman, or any of the many franchises that are alluded to in this fic.**

 **Prologue**

The man in the vehicle was hurrying. He had to make it back to his home before the others woke up. He honked the horn, a musical riff spilling out. As he pulled into the garage, he jumped out, slipped out of his suit, a Kevlar-like material a fourth of the weight, with a dark green bat on the front. He leaped into pajamas, and ascended the hidden passage. Making sure not to wake his team, he slipped into bed. And groaned. It was time for him, Lie Ren, the Batman, to make pancakes for the rest of team JNPR. The alarm clock was blaring it in his ear.

 **AN**

 **So that's a wrap. This is my first fic so be nice please.**

 **Aiellord**


	2. To the Bat-Laughts

**I don't own RWBY or the Batman persona.**

Inside Ren's head, he was berating himself for patrolling for so long, while also praying to whatever deity existed that-

"PANCAKES!!"

Nope. No such luck. Nora was up.

"REN! MAKE THE PANCAKES!"

Sighing, Ren moved to go to the kitchenette provided his team, but he chuckled at what else was happening. Jaune had woken up wth a scream due to Nora startling him, tripped over a book, and him and Pyrrha (who had just gotten up) had collided. Ren was using all of his years of self control training and calm mental state to not bust out laughing, as he (along with everyone else) knew that Pyrrha was crushing hard on Jaune, and the way they had collided...

Well, the pancakes weren't going to make themselves.

It was a Saturday, so team RWBY came over, as was customary nowadays, as they enjoyed Ren's cooking as much as his own team. And of course, the Batman was the topic of conversation.

"So," Ruby was saying, "We should have a lie detector test to see if one of us here is the Batman."

Ren didn't pay any attention after that, as he was debating if he should tell the teams his secret. 'Why not? They won't believe me anyway.'

"Guys," Ren called, "I need to know if you can keep a secret. Even from Ozpin."

"Er, yeah...," Jaune replied, a confused look on his face. "Why?"

Ren took a deep breath. "I'm-"

A crash, followed by shouts, smoke, and Glynda Goodwitch's furious screeches echoed down the hall. More explosions followed, with more yelling, a pained shriek, and a resounding thud.

"Ren, I've got the lie detector."

Ren looked, to see that Blake did indeed have a lie detector out. He took a few more deep breaths, and hooked himself up. He did the customary true/false statements.

"My name is Lie Ren." True.

"I am a nefarious prankster." False.

"I'm Batman." True.

Ren paused, waiting for the 'BLOOD AND BLOODY ASHES' reaction he was expecting. Instead, the seven people he had just told stared blankly into space.

"Well OK then." Ren unhooked himself from the lie detector, got StormFlower, and went to go train. He almost made it.

 **A/N: I am soooooo sorry that I haven't had time to update this. I should have a couple more chapters up really soon. Thanks for reading!**

 **-Aiellord**


	3. Penny (the coin) for your thoughts?

**Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY, Batman, or any of the many franchises that are alluded to in this fic.**

The trains of thought of JPN and RWBY will be examined in order to provide some clarity. Read at your own risk, as they are really funny.

Ruby: What. How. Why? Well, it did seem like Ren always held back a lot in spars... Agh! It hurts, I was-am crushing on Batman, but now that he's Ren... EVEN BETTER!

Nora: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE REN IS SO, SO MINE!!!!!

Weiss and Blake: The Batman always went after both Human and Faunus without discrimination, and Ren... Ren always was quiet, read well, smart, had class... and they are one and the same! PERFECT!

Yang: Batman is way above my league, I've always wanted to learn from him... and man, Ren is HOT! HEHEHE!

Pyrrha: There goes my Jaune as Batman rescue fantasy...

Jaune: Wow. I did not see that coming.

Ren almost made it to the arena before he heard the explosion. He distinctly heard shotgun shells, sniper rounds, sword clashes, and dust explosions.

Nope. Just nope. I. Am going to go and train. And I will talk with them at lunch. Nora and Team RWBY all had one thought. "HE'S MINE!" Jaune and Pyrrha had a different line of thought going. "Batman or not, Ren might need help with this one."

Ozpin was in a dark room. He sighed. "Well, at least I have a backup."

 **A/N Apologies for the short chapters, but my writings are secret. They'll get longer over the weekend, and as the plot thickens. Yes, Ren/Batman will run into Cinder, Roman, Emerald, Neo, and Roman. Just gonna put that out there. Probably not gonna have Batman villains, but ya never know. Thanks for reading!**

 **Aiellord.**


	4. NANANANANANANANA BATMAN

**A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHA I've returned to this crackfic!**

A couple minutes earlier.

A camera showed a rolling feed in the dorms.

"I'm Batman."

-PHWIISSSSSSSSSHHHHH-

"NOOOO! My precious coffee!"

Ozpin silently wept for his coffee as he watched Ren confess to his Bat-Secret.

And now...

Where were we... oh, right. He almost made it. However, fate decided to join the 'let's all troll Ren party', and a wall crashed in. The wall had done so due to one Cinder Fall. As you (and Ren) could tell, this was just going to be one of those incredibly ridiculous tales. So, Ren simply ran to a hidden niche, and activated a passage to the Bat-Cave

 _*cues 1960s Batman theme*_

Ren dashed to the Bat-Lockers and donned the Batsuit. He checked the cameras on the Bat-Computer, switched to show Beacon (he'd long since figured out how to hack into Ozpin's systems, the password had taken a while (Salemsuxandcoffeeismygod@Beacon)) and watched as Cinder laid waste to the courtyard. He added some armor pads to the Batsuit and got in the Batmobile.

Picture a Tesla crossed with a drag racer that could turn into a one-man jet fighter and you aren't far off.

The Batmobile sailed out of another hidden passage, and straight into Cinder, cloaked in half the Fall Maiden's powers.

"So, I've attracted Batman's notice. Come here often?"

"More than you know."

Cinder hopped into a tricked out 1960s sedan (seriously, why does no one notice the getaway cars?!) and drove off into vale, basting AC/DC from the speakers. Batman blasted his theme, and drove off in pursuit.

 **A/N: A car chase scene is in the works. Cinder is meant to become a Batman villain. Tyrian is gonna be the Joker. Think about that. Then go hide in a corner.**

 **-Aiellord.**


	5. The first Bat-chase scene

Cinder's 1960s hotrod blazed through the streets. Literally. The Batmobile followed close behind.

 _*cue high-paced chase music*_

Cinder activated dust cannons on the back of her car, and fired off volleys using the car's automatic targeting system. Batman merely drove through it, before activating his own weapons system. Twin rotary cannons popped out of the hood of the Batmobile, spouting off rounds of Wind dust. A volley hit Cinder's car, but it wasn't severely damaged.

Then they hit downtown. Batman shifted to a more offensive strategy. The Batmobile accelerated, trying to ram Cinder off the roads. Cinder noticed, and drove into a parking structure. The two cars drifted around each other, firing off dust rounds and climbing floors. Finally, They ran out of room.

"Ha! I've bested you Batman! I have a bulkhead!"

And indeed she did. Cinder drove her hotrod into the bay, and smirked as they flew off.

Ok, that wasn't the ending. I'm not that cruel.

Batman shifted a couple dials, and hit a button. The Batmobile shifted, plates repositioning themselves. He drove off the building, going down. Down. Up. The Batmobile had turned into the Batplane.

"Computer, lock on to Cinder's Bullhead."

 _Affirmative, Batman._

 _*cue 1989 Batman theme*_

The Batplane roared in defiance and launched a volley of missiles at the bullhead. They all hit. All of them. The two vehicles landed and/or crashed at beacon's courtyard. Ren handed Cinder to Ozpin, and drove off.

 **A/N: I'm making Cinder the Spring Maiden this time around JUST BECAUSE I want her to be Poison Ivy. And maybe have Watts be Dr. Strange? Please review.**

 **-Aiellord**


End file.
